Apologies for yet another lengthy absence… blame that fella who died and rose again… (Jesus, not E.T.!) Plus the nice weather. And, of course, the Royal Wedding… the last of which, in fact, brings me on to my subject. Has anyone else noticed the similarity between this unnatural, scary-looking robotic-faced automaton in bizarre headgear…

… and a Cyberman?

Apologies; a week of heavy work and (coupled with a slightly strange interest in women grunting volubly whilst wearing short skirts and playing with bits of wood and cat-gut) means that the the only material I’ve come up with is another slightly cruel sports-based lookey-likey.

Diminutive Belgian tennista Justine Henin…

… and diminutive Welsh comedian and impressionist (as long as it’s Ronnie Corbett), Rob “would you like me to do my Ronnie Corbett impression now?” Brydon.

You’ll have already seen my little bijou poll-ette in honour of our glorious all-conquering England ( & South Africa) cricket team, and to accompany it, here’s un petit mignon soupcon de lookie-likey:

Gigantic, chisel-jawed, chew-em-up-and-spit-em-out scourge of his foes Chris Tremlett -

.. and gigantic, chisel-jawed, chew-em-up-and-spit-em-out scourge of his foes (i.e. mainly 007, apart from at the end of “Moonraker”, which is incidentally possibly the worst film - not only Bond film, but FILM - ever made) - Jaws, AKA actor Richard Kiel….

A tribute lookey-likey to our glorious departed leader, and a clarion call to his probable replacement. Poor old Gordo - like an obsessive oral foot fetishist, all he ever seemed to do was taste defeat. Still, at least when Peter Mandelson pushed his secret “smile” button, he could manage a passable impersonation of Phil Daniels (you’ll have to Phil in the missing person in the lookey-likey, as I can’t find a photo of him, erm, looking like Gordon Brown - but trust me, when El Gordo pretends to be vaguely contented, there’s a striking similarity. No, honestly. Damon Allbran knows what I’m talking about.)

As for the next Labour leader - I’m sure he’s hoping that he can make it beyond the politico-metaphorical semi-finals…

(If only Ed Milliband looked like Pete Sampras, he’d be a shoo-in to kick David’s arse.)

Isn’t it remarkable how unlike themselves some people have looked recently? Firstly E-toe(nian)rag David Cameron…

… and then this shiny spherical orange blob, whoever / whatever he / she / it is…

(This advert has been mercilessly, endlessly, and very amusingly ripped to shreds here…)

Secondly, our glorious no-hair-apparent to the throne as he used to look:

… compared to whatever the hell this Berlusconi-esque-but-without-needing-to-wear-a-bandana-for-weeks madman’s folly-cular re-creation reckons itself to be -

Poor Billy-boy; up to the age of 18, he was the spit of his (undeniably beautiful) mother and pretty much the best-looking young man in the entire world. Then the recessive inbred Saxe-Coburg-und-Gotha, sorry, Windsor gene kicked in, and now he looks like his idiot uncle Edward, and ever more like his gurning donkey of a father.

Funny thing is, the slap-headed Windsor male gene seems mysteriously to have passed Prince Harry by* somehow… hmmm…. (author scratches head in faux curiosity - or rather makes to do so and then stops himself for fear that more of his own rapidly-thinning hair should fall out.)

(* - I guess there’s no way to predict who it will affect and Hewitt won’t.)

The “No! For God’s sake! Too soon! Oh, the humanity!” deeply inappropriate lookey-likey of the week:

Jigsaw Killer Stephen Marshall:

… and wooden actor Neil Morrissey:

Gnarled Welsh radio attack-dog who’s started so he’ll finish:

… and incident-oblivious gnarled French tactical doge who usually starts well, but will never finish above fourth:

Incidentally, I’ve always raised a dry smile at the synergy between the names “Arsenal” and “Arsene”; it’s as if Darlington were managed by Alastair Darling, or Scunthorpe were managed by Richard Littlejohn…

To be fair to myself, the fact that the lookey-likey happens to include a mixed-race man alongside a white man doesn’t make it borderline racist; it does, however, contribute significantly to the lookey-likey’s palpable crapness. Just imagine them side by side on piano keyboards, or something.

Red, dwarfish robot warrior Craig Charles…

…. and thunder-thighed track-taming titan Chris Hoy….

An extremely harsh lookie-likey requiring a Beamon-esque leap-of-imagination which, to be honest, I’m only posting in the hopes of shifting a bad case of writer’s block.

Formerly-underachieving-now-deadly Uruguayan hitman Diego Forlan…

… and cockney nutjob The Hitcher (from the Mighty Boosh).

Nice to see that the animators from little-known Beavis and Butthead spin-off cartoon “Daria” (which, in all probability, none of you have heard of) are pulling their weight in the ongoing hunt for Madeleine McCann.

Here’s an artist’s impression of a “very ugly” man who was hallegedly seen watching the family’s apartment:

… and here’s Charles “Upchuck” Ruttheimer III,  a minor character from little-known Beavis and Butthead spin-off cartoon “Daria” (which, in all probability, none of you have heard of)…