Have the Beeb STILL not had the good grace to employ this guy? He could do a better job than half of the Five Live team for a start. Especially Victoria bloody Derbyshire.

Listened to the first episode of the new series of “I’m Sorry, I Haven’t a Clue” from Radio 4 (via the interweb), and laughed more than I had in ages. My favourite round is the “new word definitions” one - this site helpfully collates some of the best entries…

If that isn’t enough evidence of my obvious increasing old-and-boringness, I’ve also been doing some gardening today. Am thinking of taking a look at the Stannah Stairlift site later on. Just for information purposes.

This article in the Guardian has the unhappy distinction of being the biggest pile of China White I’ve read so far this year in any publication about any subject. Could this man BE any more naive and ill-informed about Google and eBay? Centrifugal corporate culture? Empowerment of users? The man’s obviously living in la-la land. And the Grauniad are paying him to write fucking front-page commentaries - sorry, “Economic Dispatches”. KEVIN Keegan could have written a more cogent article.

Vic - get back to driving your 4 x 4 whilst pretending to be green, finding excuses for sending your kids to private schools, being vegetarian but having the odd bacon sarnie (etc) and leave commentary on eBay to people who have actually used it more than once, and for something other than buying a lovely pair of Jimmy Choos for your hideous braying wife.

PS - I refer the reader to my earlier comments on eBay and Google.

Mediocre impressionist Jon Culshaw -

… and mediocre actor Martin Freeman

And, while we’re at it, mediocre satirist Rory Bremner

“Feel the Force” on BBC 2 is the latest in a (reasonably) distinguished line of sitcoms / sketch shows from north of the border. It’s a skittish foal of a programme, jumping a little too quickly from madcap situation to crazy gag, and is slightly irritating as a result: but there’s definitely potential there. It actually needs to water down the intensity, and it’s not often you can say that about a comedy prog these days.

What I call Scottish “alternative” comedy has been strongly represented on the beeb for many years; Naked Video, Chewin’ the Fat and its spin-off Still Game, The High Life, and of course Rab C Nesbitt are all (to varying degrees) high quality shows, and give an excellent insight into the Caledonian psyche. But then so do standing in the rain and constantly eating fatty foods.

When listening to the appalling punditry during World Cup games, watch out for “what I call…” Perpetrated by pompous northerners / north midlanders (most notably David Pleat and Graham Taylor, who are both from Nottingham - Geoffrey Boycott does it as well), it’s an over-used and irritating little mid-sentence device. Eg: “England are employing what I call the sweeper system.”

It would be excusable if they describing something in a novel or inventive way, but most of the time they’re just using phrases which everyone else uses as well. A little bit of unwarranted self-importance from the wrong side of the Watford Gap.

An excellent weekend trawling the boot sales of East Kent; found (amongst other detritus) a signed Joe Pasquale tour programme, a Slipknot tour hoodie, a shit-load of jukebox promo 7″ records (about 300 for a fiver!) and an early 1990s Calcio Catania footie top (which should go for top dollar, as Catania have just been promoted to Serie A for the first time in ages).

The one disappointment was a “Stately Home Boot Fair”, where all the sellers were (allegedly) owners of large country properties in Kent, clearing out their attics. My arse. Not only did I drive for an hour to get there, queue for 30 mins to get in and pay FOUR FUCKING POUNDS (four pounds, mind!) entry fee, the booty was also a load of old crap! The usual mix of Westlife CDs, baby clothes and disgusting pre-Ikea furniture, with one crucial difference: it was all hideously overpriced. Oh well, I suppose these people are rich for a reason…

If you, gentle reader, are anything like me, you’re in danger of suffering SERIOUS World Cup burnout before the bloody thing even starts. Never mind the ENDLESS rubbish spouted about Wayne Rooney and Theo Walcott, the meaningless friendlies and self-serving charidee matches - worse still is the raft of newspaper previews and television programmes which endlessly recycle ancient information. For God’s sake, don’t watch “World Cup Stories” on the BBC 2 tonight unless you really enjoy being told stuff you already knew. JUST GET ON WITH THE BLOODY FOOTBALL!

(This rant was brought to you by Shit Sandwich - completely Big Brother-free, and proud of it.)

This is quite astonishing; and 100% genuine. It seems that Doncaster PCT has more than its fair share of Viz readers…

This from the Sky website: “Peters’s Walcott Worry”

Obviously Skysport’s’e’s’ copy-writers are no better grammar-wise than the chavs they serve.