When I first started trying to read a newspaper everyday, maybe four years ago, I used to read every article. It soon became clear that this was a failing strategy since, still having to run my fat little finger under every line, it took more or less the entire day to read the whole thing. I subsequently (2 years later – I’m not just a slow reader) discovered one of the many things they don’t teach you at school – much of the paper actually isn’t worth reading and if you filter the filler, you can always get through to the world news section of The Times, which is where all the real news is, by the time your tube journey is over. That is unless someone’s been plotting to blow up a plane with mentos and diet coke, which is just another example of how terrorism inconveniences us all.
In any event, the purpose of this post is to save you all the trouble of reading your papers, or indeed any news today, because it’s clear to me that the only story you need to know about is the Kyra Phillips one. I really sympathise with Ms Phillips – because if you’re going to fuck up like that, it’s worth doing it properly. She must be kicking herself that she just called her sister-in-law a “control freak”, which is hardly the most devastating of insults, when she had an opportunity to really put the boot in, in front of an audience of millions.
It’s also good to see that The Times didn’t fall into the trap of exaggerating the story: “… including how much you hate your sister-in-law — broadcast live in excruciating detail.”.
And the excrutiating detail in question? Ms Phillips said, “… but [she] is just a control freak”, and then someone told her to turn her microphone off. No exaggeration there, then. If you want to watch the whole unspectacular incident, it’s available here.