So 2009 leaves us, having provided very little of note apart from the death of the King of Pop, the dearth of any other kind of decent pop, the birth of the right-wing US Teabagging movement and a long-awaited global agreement to, at some point yet to be determined, maybe think about the possibility of considering sketching some draft proposals to do with the environment (or not).

It’s scarcely been a vintage year blogside either; the impenetrable vicissitudes of work, love and the Texan mindset have meant that VP no longer has the “fellowship” of fantastic regular contributors it previously enjoyed - as a result, it occasionally feels as if I’m pissing somewhat into my own wind* these days. However, I know that you’re still out there; the stats suggest that the reading figures are in rude (well, at least pre-watershed-risque) health, and every time I think of packing it in, someone fairly random in my life who I wasn’t even sure owned a computer will pop up and tell me how much they’re enjoying the paltry fayre I’ve served up over the last few months.

Microblogging sounds like somthing spiteful you might do to the drains of someone you dislike, but apparently it’s the future of online interaction. And whilst I’m not quite ready to abandon VP and join the hordes on Twatter, I can see the benefits to both writer and reader of keeping content shorter, pithier and more regular - so that’s (largely) how I’ll be going about it in 2010, although I won’t rule out the odd lengthy ill-conceived ignorant rant about something which has got my goat / indepth account of my latest social idiocies.

Happy New Year to one and all… hope you enjoy our new direction.

(* - Ancient Chinese proverb: “Man who piss in wind always gets his own back”)

The Chinese delegation has reportedly arrived back from the global warming talks in Copenhagen, and are now set to have a series of press conferences in order to put a positive gloss on the weak measures which were agreed. The question of which department is going to implement the measures will be dealt with by the President, Mr Hu; the question of timescale will be dealt with by the Prime Minister, Mr Wen.

Meanwhile, environmental groups will be having their own press conference chaired by the head of Greenpeace China, Mr Whatthefuckkindofacrappy-treatydoyoucallthat.

eBay really is a great environment for the buyer these days; high seller customer service standards are enforced much more rigorously, sellers can no longer leave negative feedback and, best of all, in October this year, eBay introduced seller-paid postage in the “media” categories (books, CDs, vinyl, DVDs etc) in order to compete with sites like Play.com and Amazon.

All of which means that you should be able to understand why I occasionally tear my hair out when I get an e-mail like the one I received at 10.27 last night. Buyer “mrstyles101″ sent me the following message -

“Hi
If you wanna let this go for any cheaper, I’ll take it.
Let me know
Thanks”

The price of the record in question? £4.19.

Already reduced in my pre-Christmas sale by 30%.

With free postage costing me £2.50 plus the cost of packaging materials, not to mention the 15% I pay to eBay and Paypal.

FACKING unbelievable.

A couple of prominent lady shalabrities have recently been holding forth on the subject of food and diets; firstly Kate Moss, when asked for a “life motto”, quipped “Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels”. Obviously, given Moss’s status as a role model for girls who want to take crack, puke a lot and date fourth-rate guitarists who nobody’s heard of, it’s an irresponsible message; but it’s also an ill-informed one. She’s clearly never tried my Carpaccio of Skinny Person Fillet followed by Skinny Person Tenderloin with Port Sauce with accompanying Sauteed Potatoes drizzled in Jus de Skinny Person.

Secondly, the ever-wonderful Sarah Palin (”Cretina D’Evil” as Matthew Norman amusingly monickered her) used her not-at-all-ghost-written book “Going Rouge” (sorry, “Rogue”) to ask this: “If God didn’t want us to eat animals, why did he make them out of meat?” Ostensibly a tricky question for the vegetablists among us, but hang on a tic… aren’t humans made of meat? By God? So there we have it; the self-appointed prospective candidate for the next Presidency of the USA is giving her, and by extension God’s, seal of approval to cannibalism. Blimey! I wouldn’t want to be living across the street from her in Russia, but at least some moose might get a bit of a break…