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Talking CCTV has been introduced in Middlesbrough, according to this story from Yahoo. People are told off by the talking cameras; eg shamed into picking up litter they’ve just dropped.
The only problem is that I don’t think this idea goes far enough; they should police more aspects of our lives. A camera should, for example, be able to say “Drop the hamburger, fatso - you’re doing yourself no favours and you’re a burden on the NHS”. Or “take that sign down immediately, you cretinous shopkeeper - plurals don’t take an apostrophe. You’re lowering the tone of the high street.”
In fact, I’d replace local councillors with elected “camera tsars” who can vent public spleen onto any miscreant on behalf of we God-fearing normal folk. Not quite the benevolent dictatorship which we all crave, but a step in the right direction.
This entry was posted on Tuesday, September 19th, 2006 at 1:08 pm and is filed under Fatuous comments and ridiculous generalisations, General, or uncategorized due to sloppy editing, Grammar. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.
I think you’re on to something here, Shit:
“Do you really need that 10th shot of tequila, you drunken sot?”
“Now imagine what she’ll look like when you wake up, Romeo!”
“For Christ’s sake, woman, make him wear a condom!”
“Are you really going to vote for that a-hole?”
The possibilities are endless, and think of all the needless suffering that could be prevented…
Shit, would you be prepared to pioneer the way and spend your days sitting behind a bank of TV screens shouting abuse at people through a microphone? I have a sneaking suspicion that you may be very good at it!
… although, more seriously, I think some of you will feel differently when the “Government” starts cracking down on you smoking your little cigarettes - using their camera system to tell you to put your cigarettes out and tuck your little shirts in!
That is a job that I would do with enormous pleasure. In fact, I’d practically volunteer to do it. I’d sit there littering my office, smoking cigarettes and boozing rabidly, all the time ranting with greater and greater fervour at the loathsome general public. It’s a job from heaven. I’m salivating as I write this.
Yes, it’s a job that was simply MADE for you. Although I think you may well have to fight Little Zoe for it.
…. when they come up with the “lite” version I’m first in line to have it installed domestically……
“take your finger out of that tap”
“if you get out of bed again I’m taking your television away”
“share your sweets or they’ll all go in the bin”
… and that’s just the missus. Think how useful it could be to keep the kids in line….
In the meantime, in preparation for your new role, Shit you are invited over to my place to shout at my children - we can mock up some kind of camera installation using cardboard bits from the middle of toilet rolls and an old cornflakes packet… kis will just accept it’s Wierd Uncles Michael up to his old tricks again….
Excellent; a fun weekend will surely be had constructing a “Blue Peter”-style talking CCTV set in order to bamboozle the little ‘uns and bring tranquility to the Pito household…