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I’m fast starting to get scowls from the residents of Park Road; not because I’m the only single bloke in a street full of families and old people, but because I haven’t yet successfully downsized my aural parameters. I moved here in August last year from a big detached house in which I could shout at the TV to my heart’s content (as I regularly do) and be barely audible in the next room. Park Road, however, is a tiny terraced cottage with fairly thin walls and two young families living on either side, and so obviously… well, let me give you a couple of recent examples of my misdeeds:
Yesterday, in a hair-metal-tastic nostalgic mood, I listened to all of “Appetite for Destruction”, and, as you do, spent the rest of the day wandering around the house singing songs from that mighty work (and any other tracks that came into my head) in a comically exaggerated Axl Rose high-pitched nasal voice. Later on in the shower, I even tried a few G’n'R numbers using the classic comedy Bob Dylan singing intonation (a lower nasal voice, rising and lengthening at the end of the phraaaaase), chuckling to myself as I did so, and thinking myself cocooned in my buffoonery by bricks and mortar.
So this morning, I go out to collect the bins (the contents of which had been handily strewn across the street by Shepway District Council at an approximate weekly cost of £23.07 a pop in Council Tax - but I digress), and I run into the pretty housewife who lives next door. “So, do you prefer the Bob Dylan or Guns ‘n’ Roses version of “Knocking On Heaven’s Door?”, she asks, raising her eyebrows. A quick meaningless bluster and a marked face-reddening later, I had scooted back indoors to take the shame.
This is hot on the heels of Chez (who was down for an excellent weekend of japes) and I enjoying a half-hour post-pub pissing-around-session with the effects box on my electric guitar at 2am on Sunday morning. We turned the amp on again the next day to check the volume and both spontaneoulsy shouted “Sorreeeee!”at the wall…
This entry was posted on Thursday, March 13th, 2008 at 6:24 pm and is filed under Music, Shit\'s Insults & Faux-Pas. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.
That’s reminded me of the time i had a volume of music problem with some neighbours. Listening to Elgar at what we thought were sensible levels ’til the very small hours, drinking and whatever- generally having a very pleasant time. So, the next morning my flatmates left early for work and i found myself being woken by a very urgent banging on the front door at what to me was a rather unsociable hour, round about 11 am… When i opened the door it was just in time to see the drug dealer from two doors down being dragged away from the door by his rather more laid-back friend. Apparently we’d kept him up all night, personally i think he’d been smoking crack into the small hours. Anyway, he said that next time it happened he’d come back with his gun. Myself, i feel it would have been more neighbourly if he’d raised an eyebrow and asked “So, do you prefer Elgar or Britten?”, i mean, really! Think yourself lucky, tafkass…
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HVgOez607UA
Great clip - a bit dated now of course, particularly the notion that calling 999 might actually result in a member of the constabulary arriving at your domestic residence before you have been knifed to death….
Good to see that years later he hasn’t lost his deep political convictions and certainly can’t be accused of “selling out” to big business in any way….
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QSWFVv-uMAw
Zincster - yes, I can see how an attractive young-Michaela-Strachan-looking next-door-neighbour making a gently barbed comment might be preferable to being threatened with a gun by a strung-out crackhead - but here in Folkestone, the attractive-women-to-crackheads ratio is surprisingly good.
JonR / Susan - just please don’t show any Tippa Irie clips to Lily Allen; if she sees it and subsequently ditches her mockney vocalisings for a dancehall stylee (perfectly possible given the fact that dancehall disguises crappy lyrics), I might have to apply to the LEA for funding to retrain as a professional hitman.
So you played music really loud and annoyed your neighbours? You crazy, crazy mutha. Where will this recklessness end? Next you’ll be telling me that you didn’t rinse out your bottles before putting them in the recycling bin.
As misdeeds go, this really is quite pitiful. Couldn’t you have at least lied and made up some story about a 24hr cocaine-fuelled threesome with the vicar’s daughter and his wife. I haven’t been this let down since your piece on the budget.
It was more the shame at being busted doing Axl Rose / Bob Dylan impressions that was worrying me, sjulk1, but thanks for your concern, expressed via the medium of such a razor-sharp wit. I refer you to my hasty initial comments to zincster on the “Soul Blogger #1″ post.
“So, do you prefer the Bob Dylan or Guns ‘n’ Roses version of “Knocking On Heaven’s Door?”
See, that’s one of reasons why so many of us Yanks are Anglophiles. Love the subtlety!
You better have said “Dylan.” That’s all I can say. Except for their cover of Sir Paul’s “Live and Let Die,” I always thought GnR were among our more regrettable exports.
Axl in particular. The best part of the past decade has been his Howard Hughes impersonation.
More sentence fragments.
Available.
Upon request.
But hurry. The run-ons could return anytime.
Why do I read a blog that I don’t enjoy? Well I read it in the hope that I might enjoy it one day. And I won’t know whether I enjoy it until I read it. An unfortunate catch 22 but that’s the way the hobnob crumbles. Anyway, considering that a significant part of your blog revolves around slagging off ill-conceived and poorly executed ventures that are weak in content, I would have thought my comments quite apposite.
Let’s not fall out over this. It’s clear that criticism is not welcomed. From now on I promise only to leave comments that massage your already over-inflated ego.
Ummm…. Easter, yeah, what’s all THAT about????
i call “troll!” on sjulk1.
Criticism is of course permitted (if not particularly welcomed - this is a blog, not a customer services department) - but if it becomes tiresome, or if, as Alexander O’Neal said, all you ever do is criticise, don’t be surprised if I respond in kind once in a while.
JonR - sjulk1 is known to me in the realoplane, thus I reckon his input technically falls under “attempts at banter” rather than “trolling”.
That’s the kiss of death to the Shit Sandwich reunion then…..
Susan - haven’t heard about this reunion; but it could be that I wasn’t invited in order to keep controversy and over-inflated egos to a minimum…
….actually I suppose strictly speaking the “re” bit isn’t correct - more of a “union” really (but not in the biblical sense). Only reason you didn’t receive an invite is because you’re organising it, and I don’t think the organiser has got that far yet….
… but in any event, and should this mythical event ever actually take place, I’m more than happy to make room for your over-inflated sense of self-importance (I have been for years, so why change now?!) just don’t invite any miserable twats (other than me)…
But that rules ME out on yet another count…
No, enough of this forced self-deprecation. We’ll get it on - probably not until May now, but the glory days of the Sandwich will be revisited in full touchy 3D technicolour. As long as every sentence spoken begins “D’you remember that REALLY funny thing that Shit wrote about (x)?”
NB - statistically speaking, every time there’s been any kind of disagreement on VP, we’ve gone on to make 100+ comments on that post. So come on, you lazy sods, only 84 to go.
Consider me the counterbalance to the cabal of sychophants you’ve managed to amass that are all too eager to give you a virtual handjob everytime you come up with some trite about how peter crouch lookie likes that lanky one from the bash street kids. My comments are the virtual kick in the nuts that you need to buck your ideas up.
JonR - I would love to respond but I have absolutely no idea what you’re talking about.
Susan - I look forward to meeting you at the reunion.
83 to go
Nice work, sjulk1, but, having done the ton-up once before, here’s a tip: save at least some of the excessive verbiage and half-baked ideas ’til we get becalmed in the 80s…
enough of this rubbish, mikeypoopoo. What we want to read is Very Poor’s take on the fifth anniversary of the Iraq War. “I may be an ‘umble eBay trader but there’s something about this ideology liberal interventionism that doesn’t smell right…”
anyone want a fight?
anyone want A CROWN OF THORNS. A FUCKING CROWN OF THORNS, PEOPLE
JonR, that is the first time I’ve ever laughed out loud on this blog. Apart from all the other times, which I’ve forgotten.
http://www.techcrunch.com/2007/11/20/comment-trolling-has-a-psychological-explanation/
http://www.barbelith.com/topic/22769
Not sure why those others posted as a comment on their own - the Wiki one is also interesting, I like the stuff on etymology - but I couldn’t take it seriously any more once it starts using te word “sockpuppet”…!
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Internet_troll
This is also interesting…
http://www.emoderators.com/papers/flames.html
And one for you Shitty Boy
http://www.caveyourtrolls.com/about/about.htm
Thanks for a pertinent and chucklesome reminder, JonR. It’s FUCKING EASTER!
Susan / Chez any other of my “cabal of sycophants” - I’m seeing SJulk1 tonight, and I’m going to teach him a lesson in blog etiquette he’ll NEVER forget.
Oh, sorry, how rude of me: welcome Mr Bartlett. Not sure we’ve seen you round these parts before. I’m not so fussed about the whole Iraq war shenanigans - as far as I’m concerned, the only interesting thing to come of it was my “Sunni” / “Shi-ite” Oasis Iraqi weather gag.
I’m far more concerned about how Italy - let alone England - can be beaten to the Six Nations by a bunch of sheep-shagging-”only gay in the village”-the-deformed-one-from-”The Goonies”-looking inbreds. Gosh, I do hope you’re not Welsh or anything.
Now THAT’S trolling. (Although I’m not sure technically if you can troll your own site).
(Although I’m not sure technically if you can troll your own site).
A deep philosophical question for a new age. I would say yes, especially given the origin of the word as a synonym for fishing.
I presume your omission of me from the list of sycophants was itself an example of trolling. Or maybe I’m not so good at giving handjobs?
…interestingly the derivation of “sycophant” seems to be slightly unclear, however one theory is that it derives from two words meaning “fig” and “show” - or, alternatively, “cunt” and “show” (this is per Wiki)….
… I have also learned that “trollism” is, much to my surprise, supposedly a word - no doubt sits neatly alongside “troilism” in the OED, so there we are back full circle at sexual organs once more. In fact, thinking about it, between “trollism” and “troilism” would come “trojan”, and I hardly need bore you with the obvious links back to the ancient Greeks and their showing of figs.
And thus does the world turn. Simple lines, inter-twining. Which reminds me, I must remember to lick your love pump before I log off.
Bren - you’re in the blogodex under “occasional butt-kissers” (with the likes of LZ and Prof), although post something telling SJulk1 what an evil trolling swine he is and how wonderful and great I am, and I’ll consider elevating - well, lowering, really - you to the murky depths of full-blown”sycophant”.
Susan - interesting stuff. I trust that I can count on an ongoing display of your female genitalia when it comes to future postings.
(An Middle English bore writes - the proximity of “troilism” to “Trojan” is particularly apposite given the tragic legend of Troilus and Criseyde whose story took place during the Trojan war. They fell in love, she ran off with another bloke, he got killed by Achilles, basically. Chaucer’s version of the story is probably his best work.)
When have I ever kissed your butt, Tafkass, except in your fevered late-night dreams?
i’ve just drunk a large gin and tonic really quickly, now i’m all woozy and that.
LZ - you once admitted to having chuckled briefly at one of my crappy quips when looking at the site in your college library. I’ve consulted SJulk1 on the matter, and by his criteria that makes you a butt-kisser. I don’t make the rules.
If that makes me a butt-kisser, then on my site, you are a full on rimmer, my friend.
By the way, deicide - nice one.
Rimmer? Guilty as charged. I practically have a metal “H” on my forehead. I assume you’re comparing me to the loveless bureaucracy-obsessed hologram from the “Red Dwarf” series?
But of course not. Ace Rimmer, rather. I mean, what a guy.