Aaaand relax. Now that’s better; a month of blogging sacrificed in order to spend more time taking care of the sundry stresses and woes of the world, and I’ve emerged into… well, a January 2011 which contains just as many sundry stresses and woes as did the end of 2010. Honestly, you would not believe it - I come back from holidays and there’s already a MOUNTAIN of crap to force down the metaphorical WC of getting-sorted-out-ed-ness with the bog-brush of my hard graft. I don’t know where to start; there’s [ED - at this stage, I should probably truncate Tafkass’s stream of whiny consciousness, as all you can expect is a big long list of minor mundane tasks which are of no interest to anyone. I’m sure you almost certainly don’t want to know about the chip in the windscreen which threatens MOT failure, the urgent renovations needed to the kitchen wall of the flat, the backlog of records and CDs to post, the mortgage application, the car insurance, the visit from a prospective house-buyer necessitating a long-overdue spring-clean, or the membership forms which have to be sent to the English Table-Tennis Association in his capacity as secretary of the Burmarsh club. Do you?]

Sorry, where was I? Oh yes, New Year. A time for ridiculously hedonistic parties (check - a fantastic house-do in Clapham, almost certainly the best NYE I’ve ever had), pretending to plan a diet (erm.. yeah, whatever), joining a gym and regretting the cash outlay for 10 of the subsequent 12 months (I could, but on the other hand, who needs proper cardio-vascular exercise when you’re straining every sinew against Folkestone’s finest 60+ table-tennis players every week?), and most of all, RESOLUTIONS. This year, I’ve resolved to a) learn the guitar properly, to at least grade “8″ standard, b) find a life-partner, get married and ideally have a child on the way by December, c) double my income from work purely by increased application on my part, d) travel extensively to the three continents I’m yet to visit, and crucially e) not to worry too much if I fail to live up to unrealistic expectations.

Seriously - I’ve resolved a) to show a happier disposition to the world. “Angry Taf” is all well and good, but I think that “Smiley Taf” is probably more of a hit with the honeys. And everyone else. b) to lift stuff using my legs, and not my back. 3 consecutive years of winter sciatica & pulled muscles now, and despite my peak conditioning as a semi-professional sportsman in the lower reaches of the Folkestone TT league, I suspect that age is catching up with me to the point where I need to start taking a bit more care. And finally c) to blog more. Shit Sandwich / VP has always been great fun - and I’m hoping that, despite the blog phenomenon having somewhat jumped the shark, the glory days aren’t over just yet. Another VP get-together may even be in the offing; post number 1000 seems a good reason, and that’s not far off. All you lurkers / former regulars / anyone passing -please do chip in from time to time, even if it’s just to tell me exactly how bad that self-penned “joke” was. (A case in point: Q - What did Obi-Wan Kenobi say to the middle-aged woman? A - “Menopause be with you”).

(Oh yeah, and HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!! )

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